23 years old, what am I worrying about

I haven't slept for almost a week. My face is waxy yellow. I sit opposite the doctor in the clinical psychology department of the Municipal People's hospital.

"Young man, tell me, what's the matter?" The doctor stared at the mobile screen.

"Doctor, I have insomnia, very serious insomnia. I can't sleep all night. I feel inexplicable anxiety during the day. My head is blown up. I can't stand it.". I looked at the doctor like the last straw.

"What kind of insomnia?"

"Every time I am about to fall asleep, I will suddenly feel out of breath, like being pinched by someone's neck, which is very painful."

"Oh, what happened? Is there any pressure that makes you anxious?" the doctor looked up at me indifferently

"I... I don't know, in fact, it's nothing..." I hesitated and couldn't answer why.

"OK, I see. This situation is very common. Just prescribe some medicine and go back to recuperate." The doctor skillfully operates the prescription process on the computer.

Out of the hospital, the sun glared. The four big words "anxiety disorder" on the case are extremely prominent.

In fact, these days I often ask myself, what am I worrying about? Why do I lose sleep? Where does my pressure come from?

I advised myself to be more open-minded, but I was forced to think again. I often felt that my thoughts were not under my control. If it went on like this, if it developed into a split feature, I began to worry here.

Economist Sheng Hong said that the younger generation should learn to work hard in a flawed society. I try to explain to myself: "this society is deformed, this society is unfair, everyone's pressure is no less than me, this is only a part of growth." Yes, I am faced with problems that need to be solved urgently in all aspects of work, life, feelings and so on.

Heavy work tasks; Bright figures such as rent, water and electricity, credit card bills, etc. reappear in my mind; The students around me have more backgrounds and connections than me. It seems that everyone is better than me; All these have given me invisible pressure, making me anxious and trapped in it.

I want to find the root, not like a grain of sand swept by the wind in the poor desert, not blindly follow the crowd, but to give myself a new source of power.

I need money, only money can make me happy; Only 0 debt can make me feel no pressure. Wages deposited in the bank? Put your savings into yu'e Bao? I have tried all these ways, and the results are quite different. The return rate of 2 or 3% in 3 to 5 years is too little. There is no need for small households like me to follow suit. Fortunately, recently, on a website called jinqian.com, I participated in sharing activities. After inviting a friend to register and punch in his real name, the invitee can get one thousandth of the reward. Ideally, I can earn ten thousand yuan a day. Of course, I don't expect so much. I think it's enough to be able to use my funds safely and efficiently.

Now I think of it, the process of looking for a job was long and painful. I didn't know what to do, what I wanted to do, and what I could do. At that time, because I was facing employment, I was thinking about the future, so I was anxious about the possible negative events in the future. At that time, I was in the state of "lying dead" every day, playing with my mobile phone and being a fan brother. Every once in a while, I want to go out to see a movie by myself, play games at home, and keep licking the screen; Now the anxiety is that I can't find a way to get rich, get ahead as soon as possible, and become rich. You have to ask me, is money equal to dignity? My answer is: Yes, it seems so now.

The anxiety brought by the progress of people around you. Intellectually, I understand that no pains, no gains, but emotionally, I ask myself to be omniscient and better than others. I hope I can really accept myself, not live in the shadow of others. Now it seems that only rational thinking and perseverance can harvest wealth and give up useless anxiety. At the age of 23, I am on my way.

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