promise I , a lifetime of confusion and obsession

Gazing at the foggy and still sky, I can't see through the beautiful scenery in the distance. Maybe it's the same weather in the whole southwest winter. The clear sky in summer is no longer turning, and the sunset in summer is no longer there. In the early morning, there was no light of sunrise, and the warmth of the sun could not be felt at all. The whole sky seemed funny, and the whole town seemed depressed. Except for the bare almond trees and several tall buildings, the whole eye could hardly see anything.

Walking alone in the busy street, walking to one end of the intersection, the red warning light is flashing. The pedestrians on the road are anxiously waiting for the arrival of the green light. Seen from afar, the arc along the painted road is still perfect, and the small curved arc can hardly be detected. The red light time gradually shortened, and the red light disappeared in five seconds, four seconds and three seconds. The green light flashes like a new life, so dazzling, so gorgeous. The green light time is also gradually shortened, and the sparse people are rushing to the other side, who do not care about who, who do not care about who. For a moment, I was stunned, and almost forgot where I should go. I wondered foolishly whether this life is like a traffic light, with one life alternating with another.

The night is so quiet, the whole narrow space can only hear the sound of the keyboard, breathing, sitting alone in the cold bedside, conjuring up the little memories. Missing is like the tide. The rising and falling of the tide hit my brain bank. Maybe the next moment the tide will knock my brain bank down.

I always think quietly, what have I been waiting for, why have I been working hard, and what have I wanted over the years? Is it happiness, your beautiful smile to me, or the hug you owe me?

The happiness of the past cannot be eternal or lasting. I don't know how lost and sad I am when I face all these things. Tonight, I return to this point again, which fills me with despair.

Over the years, do you have a persistent heart for me and a feeling of care and missing? When I was crawling forward, did you ever give me a little bit of courage? In every quiet night, in the streets where people come and go, is it me that I recall in my mind? In these years, do you remember us in every quiet festival and noisy market?

Watch the flowers bloom and fall, and sigh year after year. If one day you stood under the bodhi tree, what words would you promise me? If one day, I stand under the bodhi tree and promise you to be lost forever, will you?

Wait, wait for a long time. The bell has passed, and the hand is still holding the mobile phone as usual. I don't know how excited I am at this moment in previous years. Always afraid, afraid to give you late blessing, afraid that my blessing can not be the first to arrive at your mobile phone, do not want others' blessing to arrive at your mobile phone first, occupy your mobile phone. But somehow, this year I seem lost, numb and scared.

A cold wind in the middle of the night blew in front of me, which seemed a bit harsh. The mind is still clear, but there is a bit of melancholy, ripples surging in the bank of the brain, repeatedly wandering. What should I do? What's wrong with me? Is it loss or confusion? Is it sad or worried? I have been looking forward to this moment for a long time. There is only one day every year, a short 24 hours. At this moment, my cold hands can not write that short sentence, even if it is a simple four words, is it so difficult for me?

I want to ask you more. When you shook your head and said no to the past, did you ever think about my feelings, pain or hate? His hands became stiff and his heart became cold. Do you feel lost and sad because you have paid too much without getting any return? Until the end, the short words were never uttered.

If one day you stood under the bodhi tree, would you imagine me? Can you recall the person standing behind you all the time?

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